What do you do when you have a really hard situation in your life? If anyone knows my story, I went bankrupt. My mother-in-law had been working for us for 3 years, and she unfortunately passed away, and then my sister-in-law passed a few months later. I went bankrupt the same weekend my son graduated from high school and moved out, and then I separated from my husband. I lost my home, my cars. It was definitely a traumatic experience.
Throughout that experience, I didn’t really understand how to deal with it. I didn’t know what it was trying to teach me. It was a lot of external situations where it created a lot of suffering within me saying that I shouldn’t be here, I should be in a different experience. There was a lot of internal resistance to the external situations, a lot of personal self-judgment, a lot of criticism of myself, and sometimes blame. It was an unraveling of all the meaning that I had associated with those external situations happening to me.
What was my identity now? Losing all those different labels that I had of myself required me to figure out who am I without all those external situations that I had labeled as so “good”, meaning a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a wife, a homeowner, a car owner, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It required me to really listen to the message that all those situations were giving, the opportunity for me to acknowledge that my identity didn’t come from those external situations. My true identity, the one that is pure love, pure bliss, pure joy, the absolute within me, doesn’t require any of those things. It just is. I am love. I am all that is, this very, very beautiful and present part of myself.
It took a lot of me to keep going into the present moment, and reminding myself that I am here, I am safe, I am happy. I’ve been blessed in my life to never have to worry about a roof over my head or clothes on my back or food in my stomach, and of course, that’s blissful, and I am so incredibly grateful for that life experience, even in itself, but we all have judgements of what should be. That is the opportunity to feel it, to heal it.
Feeling those feelings and then witnessing, really acknowledging, hearing the message of that particular situation, and breathing into it and asking yourself, is this who I am? Is this required for who I am? For the truth of who I am? You can take a deep breath and ask your soul that question. Do I have to have this different, right here, right now? Just breathe that in. Just that question of, do I have to have this different?
If your answer is yes, then there is still resistance there. Because it is what it is. Your suffering is created by your wanting it to be different. I don’t want you to be suffering. I want you to be in bliss, and I want you to be in joy, the acceptance of it. When you have resistance, that tells you that there is more of a growth opportunity and to look outside of yourself to find a coach or a companion and/or mentor to isolate what is exactly creating your suffering in this moment right here, right now?
A lot of times it will go back to old programming. It may have been triggered from an old idea that perhaps you’re supposed to have a fancy car in order to have approval and in order to be loved. If you’re not loved, then you’re not enough. This is an opportunity to detach those thoughts from those meanings and remember that you are love, that you are so divinely loved, and you are this present moment, you are absolutely amazing.